Living alone is a crazy thing. I've learned more about myself in the last 4 months than in 23 years. This pseudo adulthood thing is interesting. I have an electricity bill and pay rent, but still have to call mommy when I'm sick and cry for someone to rub my belly. Have a dope crib with Ikea furniture but the only thing in the fridge is 3 different flavors of ice cream. Terms like annual inspections, direct deposit and accrued sick time are as new to my vocabulary as Now and Laters, ice cream trucks and double dutch are old. Slacks and button up shirts in pale colors have taken the place of my too short shorts and colorful tanks. Flip flops have been banished to the back of the closet while, pumps and itchy nylons have discreetly taken their place up front. The holidays came and it wasn't till Christmas day that I realized mom wouldn't be putting up the decorations this year. It'd be on me. Worries of final exams, term papers and GPA's are, replaced by traffic jams, rising gas prices and office politics. The days when all that kept me from partying with my homies was a walk across campus are over. Loved ones have scattered across the map, tending to their respective hustles. Get ups must now be prearranged and scheduled weeks and months in advance. Geeked to leave work on a Friday afternoon, only to remember there's no one to get it jumpin with for the
night but me, myself and I. Yea. This grown up stuff is heavy.
I can remember being a kid playing dress up. Struttin around the house wit my lil feet in my moms sparkly pumps and lacey dresses. Face made up like a doped up clown, (couldn't tell me I wasn't fly) pretending to be a teacher, a lawyer, a model.... a grown up. It'll be fabulous, I thought, fabulous and glamorous. Nobody tellin me what to do, I'll be my own boss! My mom would look at me knowingly and shake her head. Not wanting to tell her first child that it's just not that easy.
Checking the mail after work, I half way expect a letter to arrive, entitled: "You're an adult now. For instructions, follow steps 1-5... wash, rinse, repeat." I hope it never comes. I'd like to continue pretending... at least for a little while longer.
