Last week my mom called me up and asked me if the name Xavier Santiago met anything to me. I thought for a minute and said it didn't. After reminding me that everyone in the neighborhood knew him as "Bebo", I finally realized who she was talking about.

When I was a teenager, I lived in this housing project called Meadowbrook, renamed "Ghettobrook" by it's residents. Bebo was this short kid that used to run around the neighborhood causing all types of trouble. My friends and I were all a little older than him and the fact that he was slightly crazy never kept us from kickin it wit his lil ass... we thought him harmless. His antics were entertaining and all the boys knew he had their back in a fight.

I left Ghettobrook when I was 18 and college bound. I never looked back. It had been a long time since I thought about that crew. My highschool running mates and drama co-conspirators. It's been a long time since I thought about Bebo.

"There was a shooting", moms said, "Somebody died, Bebo was arrested for it." I quickly went online to find out what happened. I read a few articles and felt my heart breaking, the name of the vicitm sounded familiar.... then I saw the pictures. Tears flowed as I saw my old friend, now 17 and much taller, standing up in court. They came harder when I realized that I also knew the man who was killed, Julio Colon was also from around the way. They grew up together.

With no priors, Xavier Santiago is being held without bail on assault and charges. His lawyers say the wrong man has been arrested. In a small town like Fitchburg, everyone knows something, but nobody is saying anything. The community is torn.

If convicted Bebo will likely spend the rest of his life behind bars. I'm troubled by the fact that at 17, his life is over and all he will face in the prisons is and degradation. If he wasn't a criminal before, once incarcerated, he will be. All I can imagine is the 12 year old I once knew and how scared he must be. If he's guilty, what happened in his life that could make him have such a disregard for life to open fire at a birthday party? I'm pained that another life has been ed out by bullets and another mother will have to explain to her child what happened to daddy.

Once again, I'm torn by the question that has become a daily struggle... who do I cry for?

My mom always tells me that I shouldn't feel guilty for being successful. It's hard for me not to... How come I made it out and they didn't? Am I doing enough to help the others? Hard questions with no answers. For now I pray for strength and understanding. My prayers go out to the family of Julio Colon; the victim, and out to an old friend and his family.