Appreciating the Booty.

It's you, my crew don't mind it thick (Uh-uh)
Every woman ain't a video chick (Nah)
Or runway model anorexic
I love what I can hold and grab on
So if you burn it off then keep the flab on

Now ladies, don’t be startled by the title of this post. I too am a sista with a booty and just like you I’m sick and tired of the negative and offensive attention it draws from our can’t get enough brothas. Their nasty remarks and objectifying stares are not welcome and it’s about time they figured that out.

Butt. I am talking about a different type of booty appreciation. Lately I’ve realized that we sistas may be guilty of a serious offense: Booty ignorance. Sistas, we fail to appreciate our own butts! And if we don’t stop this neglect, our booty’s will up and leave. It happened to me. It can happen to you.

My sophomore year in college, I was living off campus for the first time. Times were hard and I was broke. The refrigerator was oft empty as was my belly. One day, while kickin it with some fellow po folks, someone exclaimed, “Damn Marly, what happened to your butt?” Whatchu mean what happened to my butt?! ITS RIGHT THERE! “Naw yo, your butt fell off. It’s gone.” GONE?! I rushed to the mirror. He was right. My ass had bounced (pun intended) on me. I did what I had to do to get my booty back; I ate furiously and became the queen of crunches. I prayed nightly for my booty’s return. Without my booty, I was just another short, booty-less chick! Eventually, after a couple months, my booty reluctantly returned. She wasn’t feelin me though. And she was right. I promised to never again be so neglectful. We made up.

Fast forward, Winter 07. Philadelphia, PA. Hard times hit once again. I had just moved and I was sho nuff struggling. My ass was starving. I begged and pleaded and told her I was workin on it but she wasn’t tryin to hear me. So. Again. She bounced. As we got ready to go out one night, Kin’s eyes looked at me with shock and dismay as my once sexy figure fitting jeans, hung loosely off my hips. I looked at the floor and shook my head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Once again, I had offended and failed to appreciate my booty. This time, I wasn’t sure if she’d return. We had been down this road once before. I went online and Googled, “get your booty back”, “how to get big”. Google returned with: The Atkins Diet, The South Beach Diet, The Nuts and Water Diet... WTF?! Where are the resources for those of us who love our round booties and thick thighs? I was lookin for the “Get it Right, Get it Tight for the Summer Plan” and all I found was “How to be Anorexic in 10 Days or your Money Back!” Fall passes, winter ticks by and still no booty. I resigned defeat to Kin and graciously passed on the “Best Booty” crown. Only when I really started to eat for my booty (read: rice, 3 meals a day) did she decide to return… with an attitude, of course. I apologized for my transgressions and she let me know in no uncertain terms that she would be out for good if I didn’t learn to appreciate her.

So sistas this is my testimony. We’ve been blessed. We can’t take our booties for granted. There are people (ya’ll know who I’m talkin about) who are walking around with butt pads to enhance the size of their asses! Our African lineage has blessed us with beautiful, round, bouncy booties. Let’s take care of them! And although men can be crass and disgusting in their ass commentary; at least they’re grateful. Which is more than some of us can say for ourselves. So this is my plea: Feed your booty! Appreciate your booty! Love your booty!

I love it when y'all broads wear it skintight
Make the big panties look like little panties
Tryin to lose that bottom girl you been right
I saw who make ya cookies I should go and thank ya granny
-De La Soul, Baby Phat