Tired of Being Afraid

Man, I'm tired. I'm tired of walking around this place with full armor on. I'm tired of holding up a shield in preparation for the next onslaught of racist/sexist/elitist bull shit. I don't like the person this place turns me into. I'm defensive, I'm suspicious and I'm angry. I try to wake up every morning with a smile on my face but stepping out on the cold, hard Boston asphalt everyday eventually takes it's toll.

I walk into a restaurant, a store or any other place of business and I feel like an intruder. Like I shouldn't be there. Conversations stop, voices are lowered, stares. I walk around feeling like a stranger, like a foreigner in my own country. I just don't belong here. I feel like we've overstayed our welcome ya'll. The world is big. Why should we continue to beg to be accepted in a place where we're just not wanted? My mom taught me not to remain in places where I wasn't wanted. We Ain't Wanted.

I mean, struggle is struggle wherever you go. You struggle to make money, to do well in school, to be healthy, to take care of your family, to find love and keep it... But, should we be struggling this hard just to exist? Just to go through the day without feeling like we're at war? I don't know if this is what He meant for us.

We are a resilient people. And yes, we've come a long way. But not far enough. I hate to sound defeatist but maybe it's time to move on. If "A Change Gonna Come", it needs to happen soon or I'm afriad I might lose it. And ya know? my sanity is worth a lot more to me than my loyalty to the good ole U.S. of A.